Road to Tempe 2016: 45 days until IMAZ

In exactly 45 days, Ragen Chastain claims she will swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run a full marathon in under 17 hours at IRONMAN Arizona in Tempe, AZ. Ragen has never completed a triathlon of any length, despite numerous promises to enter shorter events as part of her training since mid-2014. In fact, she went as far as registering and not showing up for two super sprint triathlons late last year. Her sole triathlon experience consists of entering IRONMAN 70.3 Arizona woefully unprepared and failing to complete the swim. Her only other “endurance” experience is gaming the rules at the 2013 Seattle Marathon to force volunteers to remain on the course while she took well over 12 hours to slowly shamble through it “in a blur of pain”.

Since May 2014, Ragen has supposedly been following an intense training regimen, spending 3-5 hours training every single day. In that time she has managed to drop out of a marathon, drop out of two super sprint triathlons, drop out of a 5K, and cut the course at a novelty fun run 5K. After several thousand claimed hours of training, Ragen’s only athletic achievement is lowering her 5K PR from 1:09:50 to a truly elite 1:05:51.

In our last update, we outlined the current known state of Ragen’s IRONMAN training, which makes it clear she has never demonstrated the fitness level or ability to complete any of the triathlon events. Since then, she has not posted a single thing about IronFat. In fact, her last update, a low effort piece about blisters at her failed 5K, was posted 46 days ago on August 21. She is now only three days short of the longest period ever between IronFat updates, which occurred after she gave up on training for some time after her disastrous effort in Tempe last October.

Ragen has been passing her time since August posting occasional angry rants about news pieces, often weeks after they have blown over. She couldn’t resist posting a brag about her organizational skills for the Fat Activism Conference with typical exaggerated numbers, despite no longer appearing on the list of organizers or giving any kind of talk as she did in previous years. In fact, it would appear one of her few remaining responsibilities is handling the money, which is unfortunate given her poor track record of financial accountability. As usual she has turned the conference into a passive income source, fulfilling her goal of “money for nothing and chicks for free”. To maximize profits, she again used a budget teleconference service, leading to the usual technical issues that have plagued the conference every year.

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Even Ragen’s fans have been getting antsy about her lack of updates.

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At this point it is not at all clear whether Ragen will actually show up for IMAZ this year. It has been 46 days since she last mentioned training, and at that time it was not going well. It is difficult to imagine her passing up an opportunity to enter the oppression olympics again, but we seriously have wonder whether she will be taking advantage of the IRONMAN full refund plan. With only 45 days until IMAZ, it won’t take long to find out.

15 thoughts on “Road to Tempe 2016: 45 days until IMAZ

  1. I am truly beginning to think that she won’t show up. Although it is difficult to imagine her foregoing this chance to whip the drones up into thinking she’s a brave martyr for the cause. We’re pretty sure she reads this blog, aren’t we? Let’s provide some excuses for her and see which one(s) she uses! Was Julianne unable to bring the equipment? Did the police finally take her millions of death threats seriously and advise her to avoid the race for her own safety? Are her blister infected from her mind and body shattering training? had he family advised against her putting herself in all that imaginary danger?

    Personally I hope she does show up because then I would, at least, have teensy bit pof respect for her for trying. And I want to read her spiel on why she was DQd. I also want to see her make it to the bike portion because it would give me a nice dose of schadenfreude. It will be shame if this ends with a whimper.

    • “Did the police finally take her millions of death threats seriously and advise her to avoid the race for her own safety?” – I would love to see her try and pull that one off, but I’m guessing she will claim she is unable to participate due to medical reasons. Maybe with fraudulent hospital selfies.

  2. Whelp might as well brag a lil’ here – this AM I successfully completed my 1st 5K in almost 2 yrs, plodding thru in 50:05. Considering I’m at least 10 yrs older than RC & lacking her “elite athleticism”, how did I surpass her time by 15+ min (snark) ?!?!?
    Two thumbs up for my Hoka One One shoes; thanks to whomever recommended them to me!

    • Ohh ohh that was ME!!! I told you about them!! Aren’t they awesome?? I’m so glad they worked out for you! You look like Frankenstein’s monster, but you can go on for days!

      • Well thanks again! I wouldn’t say I could go “for days”, but my Frankensteinian L foot didn’t bother me at all… Considering that I had also resected my gruesome, fungoid big toenail last week, I’m very very pleased – but I padded it up w/a cotton pad & a thick glob of ointment under a Band-aid & again, didn’t bother me at all.
        I was prepared to come up w/a few lame (ha!) excuses myself, but finally decided to TRY, & if it got too painful I gave myself permission to double back w/the 1-mi fun runners.

    • Haha, awesome. Sorry to hear about the toe, tho. But you got up and did it anyway! You even inspired me. I have been saying for days I was gonna go on a run, but I kept making excuses. But nope, I remembered your comment, laced up and got to it. It was just barely over a mile, but better than nothing!

      • Good job! And as you can see in my “honesty” comment on the next entry, I’m fastidiously tracking my weight week to week, proving to myself over & over & OVER again that you can’t out-train a bad diet! At least I’m no longer yo-yo’ing up & down the scales as I did for far too many years.

    • Ohh I did that yesterday. Ate terrible, even gave in to a taco bell craving. Then I went on a 30 min run later that night. Did not help at all. Have you looked into Keto at all?

      • Oh yeah, absolutely I should “keto better” – kindly advise which Taco Bell menu items are compliant😉 ?!?
        It isn’t that I’m unfamiliar with the rules: “no white foods”, no snacking, “meat eggs & leaves” etc, I just slip up far too much & give in to my sweet tooth.
        I should also be cooking, packing my lunch & so forth – but when things are wild around the office I need to GET AWAY for my own sanity.

      • Very little on the TB menu is keto friendly. Hence the “giving in”. I’m like you, do lazy keto most days. I try to stick to bacon and eggs, buttery stuff, so on But my kids drive me nuts and I end up stress eating =(

  3. I’m racing IM AZ and I’m in her age group. Interesting. Of course, I am a 6 time finisher already. And I’m 118 pounds.

  4. I’ve left comments on her blogs asking how her training is going but strangely they don’t seem to get approved for publication.

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