Road to Tempe 2016: IronFlop 5k Redux

Today Ragen will be competing in the Hollywood Half 5K, the same event where she achieved her elite 5K PR of 1:09:50 in 2013. Unlike her last cancelled publicity stunt, she is doing this race as a team effort with the Flying Rhinos, a spin-off of the Fit Fatties forum she created to sell merchandise. Ragen has selflessly volunteered to walk with the “caboose” team rather than challenging herself in any way. This group walk is in participation with Just Curves, a plus-size clothing label. Ragen claims she is “sponsoring” the walk, but her sponsorship appears to be limited to hawking Flying Rhinos t-shirts. At present, a grand total of 5 people have confirmed their participation on Facebook, and discussion consists of one person bowing out due to a bout of cellulitis, and a catty message from Marilyn Wann.

In just over 7 months, Ragen plans to compete in IRONMAN Arizona. At this point she should be using every opportunity to rack up experience with other endurance events to avoid a repeat of her disastrous showing in Tempe last year. Instead she is busy taking an endless stream of boring close cropped photos of her face, writing weekly training reports that contain no meaningful details of her training whatsoever, and constantly complaining about how much she hates every part of her IRONMAN training. With every passing day it becomes more of a joke. This 5K will tell us precisely nothing about Ragen’s preparedness for completing an IRONMAN. All we can do is infer from her past performance and constant secrecy that nothing has changed: she is still unable to run or ride her bike properly, and the god-tier VO2 max required to complete an IM at her size is beyond her grasp.

The only thing we will find out today is whether Ragen can finish a 5K even slower than her previous time.



4 thoughts on “Road to Tempe 2016: IronFlop 5k Redux

  1. Ok Ragen. I don’t have 5 hours a day for training. I have no coaches. I have shit weather that makes it almost unbearable to be outside. I don’t have cute workout clothes. I don’t even “benefit from a great deal of athletic privilege”. But if and when your time is posted, I will run a 5k in half your time. And it will be after walking at least 5k with my dogs, in less time than your 5k.

  2. From the Hollywood Half website: “All Half Marathon & 5K participants will receive a Hollywood Star Medal at the finish line. It will definitely be a favorite in your medal collection!”

    That’s the only reason she’s doing it. So she can get a medal saying she’s completed the 5k.

  3. Awww, no medal for cheaters, Ragen. Even though you stole it and hsa your partner i crime Jeanette DePatiie take your picture as you pretended to legitimately finish. I loved watching her get her shit together for her triumphant finish and then, as soon as the false finish had been committed to Jeanette’s phone, she began to limp in earnest, literally cringing away from the finish liine fastaged, crossing it backward in her stolen medal. And we’re the trolls. Right?

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