Hey everyone…a week from today and this long, long drama will have met one very significant milestone and a lot of information will be undeniably set on the table. Like everyone else reading this blog I am very curious as to how it’s going to turn out.
As for me and my race, I have not trained enough, I am very scared of the start with the open water swim and a little concerned about panicking in the middle of the crowd. Plus, I am far “heavier” than I would like to be going into the most challenging physical event I will have ever attempted. It has a very hot “fall” for Arizona this year so the heat has me a bit concerned (although it’s nicely overcast today so I really hope that holds). Mentally, I have a real fear of failure so it’s very hard for me to not make an excuse and just pull out of the race and not have to face failure of not finishing.
The reality is this; my kids are old enough now to recognize whether or not I quit with an excuse or failed while trying. When I was in basic training, every morning our Cadet Officer used to read us the “Man in the Arena” quote by Teddy Roosevelt (the real one, not the truncated and customized version Ragen used to fit her narrative) and thats how I want my kids to attack life, and thats how I want them to see me. I have long dreams of being a triathlete that predate my involvement with “counter fat activism.” I said it a long time ago on this blog, I have done short course races, duathlons and many “training” triathlons but if I ever want to do more and bigger races, it starts on Sunday. Prepared or not, excuses or not, finish or not, I will be in the water when my wave starts. What happens after that is immaterial at this point and will be a lesson learned for any future triathlon endeavors. I’m thinking very hard about doing another half iron-distance race in June and I’m already signed up to volunteer at the full IMAZ in November to secure my spot in the 2016 race.
But this will be my last update here on this blog. I am pretty good friends with the other two people who run this blog in the “outside world” and they know my name and can keep track of my progress during the race. Without any other way to say it, Ragen has scared me in the last few months. With the talk of this mysterious “map” that supposedly leads to her house and her repeated talk of death and rape threats, in my opinion, she is someone who is willing to say and do anything in order to get herself attention and get other people in serious trouble. By pure coincidence, I happened to meet a person who has had personal interactions with Ragen, and by their account, she is just as odd and unpredictable in person as she seems to be online. I do not want to be a face or name that she can connect with her accusations or delusions. I do not want to mince words and want it on record that I am absolutely no threat to Ragen and will go out of my way to avoid her should I see her in Tempe. I am not there for snark, I am not there to impede her or interact with her in any way. Furthermore, I am a stay at home parent for the foreseeable future but because of my work history, any future employment will likely involve background checks and I do not want to have to explain that some delusional blogger once accused me of god knows what because they were trying to score sympathy points with their equally delusional followers. No matter how victimized some of the prominent Fat Activists say they are, there are three of them (none of whom are Ragen) in particular who have been absolutely vicious when it comes to attempting to ruin people’s personal lives after rather innocuous online interactions. In my opinion, I don’t think any of them care enough to try and connect the dots to me, but at the same time I would have never thought that a very prominent FA “blogger” would reveal IP and home addresses of the people who make comments on her blog like “I lost 100lbs with calories in/calories out.”
For this reason I am not going to share any of my times or stats on this blog because I just don’t want any way to tie things back to me. I will certainly be in touch with Ironfactchecker after the race and I certainly don’t mind him giving a rundown of “good, bad, not finished, etc…” and maybe even posting some of the pics I send him. I have known Ironfactchecker outside of online interactions since the beginning of the year and have found him to be a person of impeccable integrity, high intelligence and an absolute wizard at finding data on the net. So while I am not going to reveal anything that could tie this blog to my personal world, you can trust that what he will tell you will be the absolute truth…because that’s what I’m going to tell him (and because he would find it anyways).
Thank you all for reading my portion of this blog and thank you to Ironfactchecker and TruthaboutRagen for all they have done to keep this site up. Less than a week to go…